MY NATENATE

My NateNate.  He will be turning 3 in about a month, unbelievable!  The past month he's seemed to mature so much, I'm not sure if it's just because he's growing up or because he feels he has to because his dad and 2 older brothers are away.  Yup, they've been gone for almost a whole month now.  Seriously, if it wasn't for Nathan and Noah being complete angels (well, 95%) of the time I would have just lost it.  Yes, there were moments when I felt like I was on the verge of a complete meltdown when poop exploded out of Noah's pants or Nathan polked Noah's face with a toy but I guess they're just kids.

Just in the past month though, Nathan has been playing with other kids at the playground, sharing his toys with Noah, helping me with all sorts of things and has just been so willing at everything.  They have great sleeping patterns - in bed before 7pm and up at 7am.  He is starting to sing, all sorts of song - the Wonder Pets song, Twinkle Twinkle, Rain Rain Go Away and many others.  He can even count to 10 in spanish - I guess the Nickelodeon channel is good for something!  Well, I would not have made it through the past few weeks without my little man of the house.

HAPPINESS FOUND IN A COFFEE MUG

Did you ever wake up one morning and wonder when did I grow up?

This happens to me very often and it happened again the other day...While buying some coffee mugs for myself I began to wonder when I became this women who got excited about mugs for her house, who starts fusing if you leave your dirty dishes laying out, who makes honey-do list for her honey when he wakes up... and then nags at him till he get's it done, who is planning meals in my head when I go to the grocery store instead of just buying junk food, seriously... when did I grow up?

I never thought I would be the women I am today... at all. In fact, if you would have told me this

5 years ago I would have laughed in your face. Because, all those things I just mentioned above I kind of enjoy (well expect for the fusing and nagging) but I like buying mugs for my house, and planning meals, I enjoy doing laundry (expect for putting the clothes away), and I am really excited about teaching myself to quilt this year. Now, don't get me wrong- being grown up does have it's down sides.. bills, bills, bills, o, yeah and not getting enough sleep (can't forget that one) but really all those times I saw my mother cleaning, cooking meals, and working outside in the yard I use to think- I don't want to grow up and be like that. I don't want to have to spend my "fun" money on decor for the house and cleaning supplies. But to be honest I feel accomplished for all the things I do in a day for our house and for my family. I guess my point is, being a grown up isn't so bad.  You actually get to buy beautiful things like my flea market goblets which are circa 1940's...

and these mugs from Anthropologie just makes me so happy every time I take a sip out of them

ONE WOMAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER WOMAN'S TREASURE

One reason I miss living up in the LA area is the Rose Bowl Flea Market.  This is definitely the grand daddy of them all.  You could get lost in this place and spend your whole day here!  There are so many neat vintage finds and also new swap meet type stuff.  They seriously have everything!

I recently found out that there is an Irvine Flea market at the Irvine Valley College.  Yes!  Just down the street!  Today was a great day to explore my new shopping destination (although it only happens on the first Sunday of every month) - it was the 4th of July and the weather was partly sunny.  Perfect!

There were probably about a little over 50 vendors selling vintage jewelry, clothing, furniture and knick knacks.  It was nice and manageable.  I found some cute vintage goblets that I am excited to display once I get home!

ALMOST MIDDLE AGED WOMEN CAN WEAR SKINNY JEANS TOO

I’ve been having a bit of an identity “situation”. I wouldn’t call it a crises, because you know, I’m not really thinking about it all THAT much, but suddenly, I don’t know what to wear anymore. Part of it is being bored with all of my clothes. Another part is feeling like I don’t really know how I’m supposed to dress at this age, and the other part is not really being happy with my body right now. It’s true, having kids and breastfeeding does a number on your body and now that I’m done with all that stuff (well, 60% sure I'm done) -  I’m sort of looking around, taking stock and wondering what happened. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’ve always been thin and sometimes even downright skinny at times, but my metabolism is changing and despite the fact that I feel like I’m not eating all that much lately, my weight isn’t changing at all, not even during my sugarfast.  I know some of you who know me might be rolling your eyes because really, I am at a good weight for my height, but my point is, it used to be really hard for me to gain weight so this is a really strange change for me. I suppose this is what happens when one reaches a certain age – things just slow down and start hanging out in places you don’t want.

…which brings me to the fact that I’m getting older and I don’t know what to wear anymore. Seriously, should I really be shopping at like, Forever21 and Brass Plum with kids literally half my age? If I think about it, it’s sort of ridiculous to be wearing the same dresses, jeans and tanks that a 18 year old would wear, so then what? Ann Taylor, Chicos or The Limited? (noooooooo). There are days when I don’t really care and just put on whatever and walk out the door and feel fine. On other days, however, I’m changing outfits 3 or 4 times because nothing feels right and suddenly I feel like an awkward, insecure teenager. Seems after a certain age you should cut your hair above your shoulders and wear pleated pants and sweater sets. Truth is, I don’t really look that much different than I did 10 or 12 years ago, style or hair-wise, which ironically is why I feel like I’m in some kind of rut.

So what is spurring all this stuff? Don’t know. Ok, maybe realizing that 40 is just around the corner might have something to do with it, but really, I don’t feel like I’m stressing about my age in that way. It is, however, making me think about aging and what not to do in that “I don’t want to look like one of those middle-aged rock stars prancing on stage who still have the hair, the leather, the eyeliner and chains kind of way”. And I am well aware that my Asian genes have helped me look younger than I am, but even I can see that I won’t be able to hide behind that much longer as I am seeing fine lines start to appear. But despite all this, I really don’t mind turning 40 in less than 4 years. I’m ok with that as I feel I’m in a good place in my life and family and all that kind of stuff, but like all 40 and almost approaching middle aged people, I just don’t feel that old yet. So sometimes mental state of being doesn’t equal actual age, hence the bit of identity confusion (oh and btw, middle aged, wtf!??!).